Day 6–I surprised myself!!

Day 6 without make up for Lent.

I have worked with my good friend Billy Still for 14 years.  I can not recall a single time that either of us have flat out said No to a work related request that either of us has made.  Today was a first.  The United Methodist Church has undertaken a bold effort called Imagine No Malaria.  Together, churches all over the globe are working to eradicate this preventable yet deadly disease.  St. Paul’s is participating in numerous ways.  Our conference hopes to capture on video some of the ways local churches are participating in this campaign.  The video taping will be accomplished this week at The Gathering–the annual gathering of the pastors in our conference.  When Billy asked me today to be in the video about our church’s efforts I quickly, reflexively, and quite boldly said, “NO…ABSOLUTELY NOT.  I WILL NOT DO THIS.  DEFINITELY NOT.”  I would not budge.  Why?

Clearly, I’m not camera shy. I don’t get nervous on camera.  But I will not ever, no not ever ever ever be on camera without makeup.  You can imagine that Billy’s compassionate side came forward and he replied, “Oh, Angie, you don’t have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.  I’ll do it for you.  No worries.”  And if you believe that I’ve got a big plot of land in the ocean to sell you.

Rather, Billy’s response was exactly what I needed to hear in order to reflect on my current reality with a makeup-less face.  In short, he told me that I’m being ridiculous.  Sometimes the truth is hard to hear.  I surprised myself with this incredibly vain and highly demonstrative response.  What is this about?  Why am I so self conscious without make up?  I think wearing makeup has altered my identity (only in my eyes) for so many years that I’m not sure  who I am without it.  Although I’ve become somewhat comfortable looking at myself in the mirror without make up I was not ready in any way to see myself on video perhaps 6 months from now reminding me of this experiment.  Ugh…am I getting anywhere in feeling more comfortable with who I really am?  Today was a surprising day.  I thought I had made more progress than I have.

By the way, I will film the video tomorrow.  Not because I want to, but because it’s an act of discipline to not change my way of life just because I’m not wearing makeup.  Now I’m off to the gym…without makeup.  This is the one place where I feel comfortable being completely natural.

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